Jiggly Eyelids: A Sign of the Times??

In Kindergarten at Ellijay Elementary School in North Georgia (N. GA is actually its own state. When a person refers to "Georgia peaches," they are talking about South GA. N. GA is known for apples and is a whole different world from its southern counterpart.), I had a boyfriend named Ronald. One day when I complained on the playground that my head hurt, Ronald stomped on my foot as hard as he could.

When I screamed, Ronald said, "Yeah, but you ain't squallin' about yer head no more."

Thanks to Ronald, I learned two things that day:

1. Boys suck.
2. Bad grammar sucks.

Last week I was in the locker room at the gym applying eyeshadow to my eyelids (bear with me here, it relates). When I touched brush to lid, I did a doubletake. Actually, my eyelid did a doubletake. I swear, my eyelid jiggled. You know, like Jello, only without the yummy artificial flavoring. Like it's losing its elasticity and getting...tired...

This is something for which I was totally unprepared. I know that technically I'm almost thirty-two and technically my skin is aging. I've grown accustomed to my hands, which look twice their actual age. I'm ready for chicken neck, which I know will come around fifty. And laugh lines (here already), crow's feet, weird hairs in strange places (don't ask)... But no one anywhere ever said my eyelids would start jiggling.

It's like God took a page from Ronald's (sadistic) book. He's laughing right now and saying,

"Yeah, but you ain't squallin' about yer jiggly thighs no more."