Vineyard Spam Salad

I love that gmail puts ads and article teasers on my email page. They pull out words from my emails and match them. Like when I get a message from my Mom's Group, the sidebar will say something like, "Are you a Normal Mom? Take this Quiz and Find Out." My favorite is when I go in to clear out my Spam. I get a new Spam recipe each time. The Vineyard Spam Salad starts with "Combine grapes, spam, peapods and onions in large bowl..."

Yummy.

This post isn't really about Spam. It's about my son's bad teeth, my bad motherness, and the evils of Sprite.

Or...it's about our trip to the dentist today.

Jake's 6-month-cleaning was this afternoon at his dentist. He was so good, but a little mouthy. (haha, mouthy at the dentist...) Not in a bratty way, but he was very open in a way I didn't expect. He told the dental assistant all about himself, including (okay, limited to) a list of every Transformer he owns and every one he wants. When he got a prize from the prize box, he told her how each toy related to a toy he already had. She asked if he wanted the fake money from the prize box, and he said, "I'm rich. I have lots of monies already." I just want to know where this money is that he insists he has???

When the dentist came out, she said that Jake has two small cavities in teeth that are close together in the back. I pointed out all the silver in Jake's teeth already and asked if perhaps this could be hereditary...given that his dad has had so much tooth trouble. She thinks that perhaps Jake is lacking a certain enzyme in his saliva that is supposed to kill plaque-causing bacteria...

Ewww.

At any rate, "they" (you know, the people who make things) are in the process of making a vaccine for people without this enzyme. She said a kid like Jake would be first on the list for that.

Yep. What my child needs is another shot. In his mouth. Great.

Now you know, of course, what Ike said when I got home, right? Well, you know if you're a mother or if you're friends with a mother who tells you what fathers say. He said, "You do brush his teeth, don't you?"

No, actually, I never do. They're just baby teeth. They'll fall out anyway.**

And finally, Sprite is evil. Today when Dr. Dentist asked me what Jake likes to drink, Jake answered that he likes Crystal Light. Smart kid--he knows it's sugar-free. And he does like it, but I pointed out that he likes Sprite even more. Dr. Dentist said a recent study shows that Sprite is worse for teeth than Coke because of the citric acid it contains. She said Diet Sprite is just as bad for the same reason. Not that kids should be drinking Coke either, but now we know: no more Sprite for Jake.

So that's the dental visit in a nutshell. We'll be going back in a couple of weeks to fill those cavities. Do you set off metal detectors if you have enough of those??






**This is a joke. Of course I brush Jake's teeth. I was already feeling like a crappy mom because of my son's holey teeth, so this comment didn't make me feel better. But I'm not saying this to complain about Ike. Ike is doing this movie shoot right now and is gone every night and I miss him like crazy. He and I both help Jake brush his teeth, so I chalk this comment up to tiredness and frustration from a man who 1)is working 7pm-7am every night and 2)has had a lifetime of bad teeth and doesn't want to see his son deal with that too.