Tip #1: Record "Halloweentown" on Disney Channel for your 5-year-old. Allow him to watch it "late at night" (you know, 7pm is late for a 5-year-old). Stop it partway through to put him to bed.
This will insure that your child will be 1) exhausted, and 2) too scared to sleep. Thus, you will have a long conversation about reality vs. movies and actors. This will then lead to a long conversation about the bad guy in the movie and how he can't be real. Eventually, you'll pull out the GOD CARD: bring in the Bible, put it under your child's pillow, and pray with him that God will protect him from bad dreams.
Following these steps, you will then go to your own room, cry a little because you are horrible, then pray a lot that really, God, please don't let him have bad dreams. We'll start going to church again, I mean it this time.
Tip #2: Hold screaming baby for 30 minutes. Be sure to get very frustrated, despite the fact that you know screaming baby can't help screaming. Wait for 5-year-old to yell from computer room. When child yells over and over, baby will cry louder and louder.
Walk with baby to deal with child. Answer phone with message from principal at school...something the answering machine could easily have gotten.
Deal with frustration and irritation (and PMS) by slamming phone into metal filing cabinet beside cradle for phone. Repeat. Repeat. (Really you're just trying to get it into the cradle...strongly...)
This will insure that both children will start crying loudly. Because of your tantrum, baby and child will most definitely cry, and child will tell you he wants Daddy instead. You will think, ahh...to only be Daddy...The hours might be long, but they are tear-free...
Calm down baby, put to bed. Calm down child, put to bed.
Following these steps, you will then go to your room, throw the covers over your head and pray that tomorrow you will be a better you.
And maybe you will. But probably you'll only do something so that you can write Tip #3...
This will insure that your child will be 1) exhausted, and 2) too scared to sleep. Thus, you will have a long conversation about reality vs. movies and actors. This will then lead to a long conversation about the bad guy in the movie and how he can't be real. Eventually, you'll pull out the GOD CARD: bring in the Bible, put it under your child's pillow, and pray with him that God will protect him from bad dreams.
Following these steps, you will then go to your own room, cry a little because you are horrible, then pray a lot that really, God, please don't let him have bad dreams. We'll start going to church again, I mean it this time.
Tip #2: Hold screaming baby for 30 minutes. Be sure to get very frustrated, despite the fact that you know screaming baby can't help screaming. Wait for 5-year-old to yell from computer room. When child yells over and over, baby will cry louder and louder.
Walk with baby to deal with child. Answer phone with message from principal at school...something the answering machine could easily have gotten.
Deal with frustration and irritation (and PMS) by slamming phone into metal filing cabinet beside cradle for phone. Repeat. Repeat. (Really you're just trying to get it into the cradle...strongly...)
This will insure that both children will start crying loudly. Because of your tantrum, baby and child will most definitely cry, and child will tell you he wants Daddy instead. You will think, ahh...to only be Daddy...The hours might be long, but they are tear-free...
Calm down baby, put to bed. Calm down child, put to bed.
Following these steps, you will then go to your room, throw the covers over your head and pray that tomorrow you will be a better you.
And maybe you will. But probably you'll only do something so that you can write Tip #3...
2 Comments:
It's times like this that you make me thankful that I don't have a baby because I get spastic like this even with my older kids. I would most likely be slamming the baby into the phone cradle (TOTALLY joking there!), LOL.
I hope tomorrow is a better day for you! Atleast you can find humor in your horrible day. That's impressive :)
Kittens...*rocking*...gonna have kittens...*crawls back under desk*
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